An open reference from the Noble House of Brattleby. Published .
Before the meal: replying and dietary needs
When you accept an invitation, tell the host about any dietary requirement or access need at the same time — not on arrival. A short, factual note is enough; the host is not owed an explanation. This guide is not medical advice: if you have an allergy, follow your own clinical guidance and make sure the host or venue knows clearly.
“I'd be delighted to come. I should mention that I don't eat shellfish — please don't go to any trouble beyond that.”
Arriving, the host and seating
Greet your host first. At a seated dinner, wait to be shown your place or check the seating plan, and remain standing until the host sits or invites you to. Traditionally, you begin eating when the host does, or when invited to start.
Napkin and cutlery: outside in
Place the napkin on your lap once seated. If you leave the table during the meal, leave it on your chair; at the end of the meal, place it loosely beside your plate.
Cutlery is laid in the order of use, so work from the outside in, one course at a time. The fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right. Pudding cutlery may be laid above the plate.
To show you are resting, place knife and fork apart on the plate; to show you have finished, place them together, handles towards you, roughly at six o'clock or slightly to the right.
Consideration for other diners
Eat with your mouth closed and wait until you have finished a mouthful before speaking. Ask for dishes to be passed rather than reaching across a neighbour. Bread is broken by hand into small pieces rather than cut or bitten from the roll.
Pace yourself to the table, so that nobody is left eating alone at the end of a course.
Conversation and phones
At a formal dinner, divide your conversation between the guests on either side of you. Choose topics that include people rather than exclude them.
Phones stay out of sight throughout. If you are expecting a genuinely urgent call, tell the host beforehand and step outside to take it.
Mistakes, without shaming
If you use the wrong fork or spill a glass, say a quiet sorry, let the staff or host help, and carry on. If someone else errs, the courteous response is not to notice. Correcting another guest's table manners is a greater lapse than the one being corrected.
Cultural variation
Dining customs vary widely — in how food is shared, whether hands or chopsticks are used, and in toasting. The British conventions above apply to a British formal table; at someone else's table, follow their custom. For a sense of how these conventions look at a white-tie occasion, see The Winter Banquet 2026 page, and for further study the Brattleby Academy.
At the table, in brief
- Mention dietary or access needs when you reply, not on arrival.
- Wait for the host before sitting and before starting to eat.
- Napkin on your lap; cutlery from the outside in.
- Mouth closed; ask for dishes to be passed.
- Talk to the guests on both sides; phones away.
- Knife and fork together when you have finished.
Common questions
- Which cutlery do I use first at a formal dinner?
- Start with the pieces furthest from the plate and work inwards with each course.
- Where does the napkin go if I leave the table?
- On your chair during the meal; loosely beside your plate when the meal is over.
- How do I show I have finished eating?
- Place your knife and fork together on the plate, handles towards you, at roughly six o'clock.
Continue reading
Sources and further reading
- Debrett's — A practical guide to table mannersEmphasises consideration over snobbery: eat with the mouth closed, avoid reaching across others, napkin on the lap, cutlery from the outside in, and ask when unsure.
- The Emily Post Institute — Definition of etiquetteFrames etiquette around three principles: consideration, respect and honesty, applied so that others feel included.
This guide is original House editorial guidance. The sources above are cited for further reading; they have not reviewed or endorsed this page.